It's Friday Night and I ain't got nobody

This seems to be the hardest challenge for me in photography right now.
Metering. I turn the dials up and down and go 2 full stops and what not
and I still can't get the right metering. Gahhh. My teacher said, "It's
easy folks. Don't think so hard about it and just do it." And I don't
know how to apply that to this technique. Oh well I'll get it.

Anyway, our teacher taught us a cool thing. And that is if we are going
to start shooting, start doing it as a sidejob. Don't be a photoslut,
be a photoho. Haha. So I am going to start doing shoots for monies. I
just need to research what I need to do to.

Does anybody out there have any tips??
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I was waiting for you

It snowed yesterday. So today was one of the worst days of my life. I
either got food poisoning or upset stomach with diarria. Jilana got it,
too, the day before. It sucked big time. I threw up in the toilet, had
endless liquid poop while feeling light headed, weak, and my stomach
spinning and spinning. I literally felt like dying to get it over with.
Jilana thinks we got the food poisoning from Demo's, a not so great
Italian restaurant. I think I got it from that greek restaurant (which I
will never ever go to again). I had to take a day off from school
because I felt so bad.

Um, so my sister wanted me to put shooting assignments in here. Our
first shooting assignment is Depth of Field. So we have to do 20 shots
in shallow depth of field and 20 shots in great depth of field. I can
handle that for homework!

So this morning I taught myself something. Every customer I have seen
have had a rough year dealing with accidents and having they're car
totalled and then trying to find the credit and funds to purchase a car.
Of course, CarMax is going to be the best place to buy a car but what I
learned is that we all go through struggles before something great
happens. So for those of you who started rough this new year, imagine
how great your year is going to be.

Anyways, I really, really miss Jilana and Emily Jane. But I kinda want
one day alone with Jilana. But its weird because when we do spend time
alone, we super miss Emily. Ahhh I don't know.
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The end has no end

I miss In n Out. I miss the animal style fries that I always get at Mira
Mesa. The only thing closest to California here is Pho and Jack in the
Box.

So. I eat a lot and I am gaining a lot of weight. In fact, I am gaining
2 pounds each day. Now I am thinking of my body's future. Back then I
was worried about gaining weight now I am going to have to even things
out before it gets all out of hand. I had to buy new pants the other day
to fit my waist. I went from 30 to 32s!! Aghhh. There is a half mile
marathon in Nashville coming up and I think I am going to participate. I
am such a slob! Haha. The other day I got mad when I found out the kids
ate all my shrimp chips and my hot cheetos! And I never get mad like
that, in fact, Jilana was like what the eff is wrong with you!

I am going to go do some pushups.
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Hexes for exes

When I go to school or work, I think of what my daughter is doing. I
love her so much. I love her voice and how she sounds. Everything about
her makes me so proud and makes me so happy. When I stress, I've got
pictures of her to help just relax and think that everything is going to
be ok because Jilana and Emily are here.

I read an entry about an experience my sister had at a clinic. All I
hae to say is I was terribly sad and I wasn't sad that she made the
decision to go to the clinic (I didn't care less about the decision) I
just felt sad because of how she is feeling now. I want my two sisters
to be happy. And it aches when they're sad especially when I am 1000
miles away. I had a dream I was with both of them and I couldn't
comfort them and it made me cry feeling like I couldn't help at all. I
miss them so much.

I talked to my mom yesterday and I also feel terrible that Emily isn't
around for her to hold. She loves her so much.

I received a package from The Biyos and they sent a lot of pretty things
for my baby. That kind of made me sad, too because I would like them to
hold and see my baby.

Why am I being sad in this blog?
I just miss all you guys.

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Don't bother, angel

I hate bills! I hate, hate, hate bills with a passion. Our heat bill
cost us 235 frakkin' dollars! And then we fixed our water leak a month
ago and our water bill of 200 only went down to 100 and we always pay 40
to 50 bucks a month on water. I'm realizing Greenbrier is so expensive
and I think it will be our calling this year for us to move out to a
location with cheaper utilities. It sucks because I am not worried
about getting the money to pay it but its the amount of money we could
have to save for opportunities on just saving, getting school shit, and
getting our personal shit.

But nooo, this world is just all about consumerism. Have you noticed
that you pay for miles to go anywhere you want??? Unless you start
walking then you're in for free but the world has made it to where it is
necessary to pay this for that. Crazy shit, huh. Like having fires in
your house for heat...we been washed that we need to activate and put a
deposit and pay monthly just for your newborn to stay warm.

So everyone, take my advice. You need money in this world to keep going
otherwise you'll be drowning in numbers and livin' like a caveman in
which this world calls homeless.

I need a drink.
--
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But I just see the memories as they come

I am loving school and falling deep for photography. I found about this
guy in Alabama named Ryan Russel who does awesome freelance using a 35
mm. A 35 mm!!!! That is crazy, son! Our school just stopped dark room
and 35 mm and is now being taught as history. It is crazy. We really are
in the digital age. Problem is I love my camera but now I want more.
My camera isn't full frame and I now want a Nikon D300. When everything
goes good, I'll upgrade. But for now I will stick to my D80 and get a
couple of lenses.

I just realized that 35mm SLR cameras are now cheap plus I can make a
darkroom without having to spend gold. I am going to ask my teacher to
teach me darkroom techniques.

Anyways, Ryan Russel is my role model. He has been everywhere! He's
done shots for Death Cab, Paramore, Taking Back Sunday, Alternative
Press, etc. In fact check his site out! Www.ryanrussel.net

I am lovin' it.

Thank you, God :]
--
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You can spend the night

It's been like this for a couple of days now. No sunshine. No UV rays to
feed my skin. It makes me feel so lazy.

I am starting to feel like it is hard to find time for just me and
Jilana. With Emily, work, and school I can't even organize to fit it
all together in my daily routine. I'm not saying that Emily is a
mistake. I love Emily so much. Its just I miss my lovely. She's the
love of my life, too. And I want to do everything I can to keep holding
her hand, kiss her lips, everything.

At least I'm not 100 miles like when we first started, right? And maybe
when we do get alone time it will be wonderful.

I'm not going to have us be a boring couple where they age at 40 years
old and they seem like brothers and sisters who have been living under
one roof for 20 years.

So I made a list of 5 things on why I love her so much.

1. I can make a bajillion more lists like this
2. I took a risk and she treated me like gold to keep me insured
3. Honesty. I learned honesty from her. I used to be a terrible liar and
now I am humble
4. The puzzle pieces fit and that is me. Basically, what makes me me is
her.
5. I'm the dream maker and she's the action. Every plan or idea I put
out she makes it better and does it all. Like two nights ago we
discussed our plans for our San Diego trip. She planned it all out and
purchased the tickets. I sat there agreeing. I love it. I make plans
and have these good ideas but I never finish. She helps me finish.
6. On a list of five you can add more.
7. She's beautiful.
8. She gave me a beautiful daughter.
9. She makes me feel handsome.
10. The bed makes her look sexy.

Haha. laters.
--
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I do believe its true

Yesterday, we went to the Asian market! Finally I can get some Asian
groceries for the house. That market was far, too. It ain't like Cali
where there are a bunch of Asian stores to choose from. It was awesome.
We bought a lot of food and I am going to be cooking in the next couple
days. We stocked up!

I am at work right now. And I am stoked about school. Work is so boring
but I'll be honest, I love this company a whole lot. The managers, the
co-workers, the supervisors treat you like gold here. And the benefits
are awesome. I'm blessed to be hired into this company because only 2
out of 10 people who apply here get hired. I know there will be great
things coming for me in this company. The economy may be slow but now is
the time to work with everything you got because when the economy gets
better, it will be a huge reward for all the hard work you put in.

Anyways, Jilana styled her hair two days ago with beautiful waves and
curls. She's so hot. :]
--
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Under the blacklight

Last night I went to school orientation. It was boring but exciting.
Jilana and I have a few classes together.

Monday- Intro to Photography 6pm-10pm
Tuesday- Intro to Computers 1pm-5pm, Success Strategies 6pm-10pm
Wednesday- Nature/Color Photography 6pm-10pm

I'm studying to get my bachelor's degree in Photography and video. I
wanted to find a way to use my career to change the world. Imagine using
photos and video to express a point of view.

So I have now set a few New Year's goals!

-start a music project. Do some covers and a few of my own
-play a gig in San Diego
-work hard at CarMax and learn hard at Nossi
-payoff some bills
-get ready for Emily's summer
-Save at least 1,000 dollars.

My English teacher in my senior year had us do this assignment that I
found very fun to do. He called it vignettes and basically you had use
English to describe everything in that event. It had to be detailed. so
if you were describing the event, what was on your right, your left, the
front, the back, the smell, etc. I am going to post a few vignettes on
this blog on a few stuff that I remember.

Alright, guess who's calling.

--
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When your heart is an empty room

Well, I got good news today. Financial aid at Nossi finally hit up the
goods for me. I am officially a Nossi student. I am so happy. I went to
work at 10:30 so excited about the whole thing. At 1:30 I went to go
sign my stuff at Nossi to officially become a student. The only thing is
I am low on cash and Jilana and I need books.

Whack. I'm not too worried. I'll find a way :)

Look out, sky! I'm on my way.
--
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On sunlight, on sunlight

I am so bored. I am at work trying to sell a car and today was just a
slow, dead day. Sometimes I just feel like giving up. And I don't know
what or who it is that keeps me going in this job. I just want to go
home to my family.

I just think so many good things happen so quickly. Like this Christmas
and New Years went to fast and I wanted some more of it but I can't. I
went back to work on the 30th of December and I realized, is this how I
want to live my life? I remember when I first started this job, I loved
the fact that people were flooding in through the doors and I had many
opportunities to earn money or just meet good people. Now I see less.
And I know the economy is not at its best right now but I can't stand
just sitting or standing around waiting for those opportunities to come.
It beats me down mentally. I just hope I can go through this
sacrifice.

I want to go home.

No sunlight, no sunlight.
--
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DCFC-Cath...

I am absolutely in love with that song.

I woke up early today. Emily woke me up at 7 and I fed and played with
her since she stayed awake and hoped that she would sleep right after
she's done being fed. Well, she stayed up till 9 and I tried to go back
to sleep but I really couldn't. So I decided to finish the laundry from
last night. Our house is done now and I am glad to be back home. I was
so tired of staying at Jilana's Dad's place because of the kids. Don't
get me wrong, they're cute and all but they are a little naughty
especially in the morning. I could never wake up peacefully because I
always hear them yelling and screaming and then Emily wakes up and here
I go begging for some peace just to sleep a little more.

I love sleep. Today is my day off and sad to say I can't sleep. But I
love sleeping. I like seeing all the worlds that I travel to in my
head. When I sleep, I feel like my imagination is taking control of
me. And I like it because I want to know how far beyond my imagination
can go. Like last night, I was in my future father-in-laws pond. I was
just back-floating and for some reason I can see the fish swimming under
my back. Jilana calls me to feed the baby and when I got up I realized
all the fish had bitten and hung to my back. It was so weird and
bizarre. Jilana was using a stick trying to scrape them off my back. I
wonder what led my imagination to make me feel and see this. Maybe the
bed was just so uncomfortable. Haha.

I love the picture I just took of my future wife and my daughter. They
look alike, huh.
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