I've Got Yo Number

I'm listening to Passion Pit right now and I'm in class. This stuff reminds me of my first few days when I came to San Diego. We were driving to Hollywood BLVD to the go to the Fonda and see Camera Obscura play. Miss my sisters a lot that it hurts.

homesick blues.

I just came back from a two week trip from San Diego, CA. It was an amazing and fun time. I know I keep saying this but 2 and a half years has changed a lot of things. Like the fact that my mom has done much better than before and my dad has finally loosen up for me and my sisters. I'm so happy that they also finally got to meet my family. I'm lucky to be a father of a gorgeous daughter named Emily Jane. Everyone loves her and her beautiful mom :) I am so happy that the things we had major problems on had finally burned up and disappeared. My family has gotten so amazing and I miss them so much. My sisters have grown up to be beautiful ladies. They're no longer little girls. We're all no longer kids and it kind of makes me sad how I missed out on so much for the past two and a half years. When I hang out with them, it seemed like yesterday we were in our old house backyard playing on that yellow and red table and eating sphagetti. It's so different now but the only thing that has never changed is our relationship and bonding towards each other. I love them so much and I did my best not to tear up on the last hug before I departed back to Nashville. I promise I'll come back and share more with you guys.

Jane and Sabino had always been amazing when they're around. They had always been way more than best friends to me. They have the most amazing gift and it's the way that they share. They are willing to share and give when they can and sometimes they go out of their way to give or share and I'm worried and scared that one day someone will just take complete advantage of them. I will do everything I can to protect them. I love them so much and I want them to know how much I appreciate and how much I'm thankful for everything they've done for my family.

Mom and Dad, everything happens for a reason and the whole past before I left to Nashville has really rewarded all of us, don't you think? Like the bonds are so much stronger and the communication is much clearer. I'm so happy that everything now feels like it is back in place and I love you guys always.

Jilana Souvannaseng, I can't explain the beauty and the love and the wonderful things you give and bring to me. I can't explain why my heart beats so fast when it is time for me to come back home from work and the excitement I get when it's time to go home. I can't even explain why you are with me because I'm such a slob but I can explain that I'm willing to love you and have you have my heart forever. It's safe to say that no one has what we have.

Emily Jane, when you grow up, I honestly hope you find this blog because this is a journal of my life before you were in your mother's stomach, during the time you were in your mother's stomach, and during the time everyone laid eyes on your gorgeous eyes. I love you always, daughter.

People get shattered in many ways.

I don't know what it is and how it is. It is definitely where it is. And I don't know why it is but for some reason California just has this thing that seems to put everything back together for me. I just realized how much Nashville can't even come any closer than San Diego and I just love the family here. Three and a half years has made my family so much closer together. I can see how happy my mom is and how happy my dad is. It's like we've finally let that horrible past go and went to a new start. I'm just so happy and thankful and I am really dreading to go back to Tennessee. There's just so much I want to say like how much I love Jilana and my beautiful baby, Emily Jane who seems to be the celebrity here. I really have something to look forward to when I go back to Nashville and that's to work hard and study hard so I can move back to California.

Love you guys. So So Much.

I apologize..

for not posting. San Diego and Temecula has brought life back to me again. I shall post soon. :)

leave your love on the doorstep so I can take it with me to work

leave my heart at home because I'll be coming back to you.

All the hours I've spent working, I still feel so far away and can't wait to get home

Save the hugs and kisses for the day that question comes

and I'll save everything I've got for that beautiful day

Because ma'am you're the one because when I'm 202 I know I just can't get over you.

Leave a place on the bed so you can rest your weary heart

Leave my jacket on your shoulders so you can battle those cold winds

And take my spectacles, so you can see what I see when I look at you.

Leave our photos on the desk so they know how pretty we are.

Leave my clothes at your place because I know I belong

I belong to a wonderful woman and I can't stop loving you.

I'm on your side behind the frontlines

I'm still a mess and I guess I'm falling apart

When you have so much on your shoulders, it's really painful walking on knees

And for each and every step you're begging for strength to get up

But the weight just goes from one, two, four, eight, sixteens.

And it just seems so mean. So very mean.

I'm still filling gaps in my heart with smoke from a cigarette

So messed up when I can't help but keep breathin'

and realize that the smoke just stays and goes

Huffin', Puffin', Coughin'

What am I doin'

I'm still tired of the limitations I have from these wings

Been trying to find time to turn from wax to feathers

I just want to bring you closer to the sun.

Just want to see you look like you're having fun.

Sometimes, it just seems like I'm losing some of myself everyday. 

But after thinking about all these things; after smoking that cigarette, the wings made out of wax, and the weight on my shoulders all I can see is that

We're all slowly dying and I hope I'm still with you after I die.

Giving it Away

I've got some paper.

And I'm hoping that it is enough to trade for some food for my daughter. 

I did a mistake of not realizing how important this piece of paper was to the world. 

And here I am wishing I could trade it for happiness. 

I've got a pen.

I'm ready to write down what I think about the beautiful things all over the world and how everyone is so worked up on this paper. 

Here's to a one hundred dollar bill with a list of things this piece of paper can't be traded for. 

I've got a guitar. 

And I just want to cry out to those who feel the same way I do. It ain't easy. No, it ain't easy especially when your whole life your working for milk and eggs without being able to see some 'firsts' on your newborn baby girl. 

I've got a helmet. 

For the kids that are abducted to fight in an army. 

The use of paper for war, for power. 

I've got a translator.

The rich men and the rich women live a whole different world among us. 

Will there be equality in this class divided by the amount of money flowing in our pockets. 

I've got a heart. 

For I'll try, I'll try my best to help you. 

Because this is really what the world needs. 

And that is each other.